I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
