Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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