What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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