i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
found the other keg... it's in the tree
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
