I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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