Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
