Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
