woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
