Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
