I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
