I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
