the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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