At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
