Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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