Non-Jews are for practice
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
