the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
