my phone needs a breathalizer
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
