I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
