D3 body, D1 cock
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
