The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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