Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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