I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
