I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
dude. I can hear the air.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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