dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
