Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
