I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
