mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
