With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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