when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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