I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
