Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
