The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
