Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
