You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
