you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
