Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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