She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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