so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
