I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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