I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
