Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he thought i was a dude.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
