My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
