i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
