i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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