Im at strip club and am horny
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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