Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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