you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
