Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
