My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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