my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
