I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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