Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
