I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
