i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
COCAINE IS GR8
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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