He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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