I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
This show inspires me to have sex in space
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Randomize
