im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
