One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
